Remember: Everyone wants to be heard, to feel "listened to" and understood.

• Express concern and desire to help
• Ask about feelings and thoughts
• Suspend judgment
• Try to develop trust (provide environment of warmth and acceptance)
• Use person's name
• Let the person know you are listening (attending behaviors):
• Communicate undivided attention; resist distractions
• Nod
• Paraphrase or repeat essence of person's messages
• Agree when genuine
• Repeat or summarize main ideas ("facilitative listening")
• Listen "between the lines" for the underlying "feeling" message
• Empathize with and "reflect" their feelings ("I understand what you're saying." "I think I know what you're feeling." "I can understand that you're feeling angry; It must be very frustrating.")
• Acknowledge concerns and fears, without supporting misperceptions
• Discourage discussion of any delusion and focus on "here and now"
• Problem-solve (only when the person is ready)
• Explore ways (options) for person to have their needs met
• Break down concerns into manageable problem-solving steps (non-judgmental, solution-oriented approach)
• "Brainstorm" together
• Try to provide a face-saving solution; explore acceptable compromises
• Do not:
  • Argue
  • Interrupt
  • Scold or lecture
  • Offer false reassurances
  • Be overly logical and rational, or try to "fix" the problem before thoroughly understanding
  • Trivialize the circumstances or feelings
  • Try to convince them of their irrationality
  • Overly challenge or confront
  • Invade physical space
• Body language (non-verbal behavior) communicates important messages. The following may be helpful in reducing others' anger and assisting an individual in calming themselves:
  • Eye contact (not too intense)
  • Interpersonal distance (not too close); Respect personal space; Do not move toward an agitated person
  • Restrict body movement to a minimum; Minimize sudden behaviors
  • Maintain an "open" position (do not cross arms or legs; hands unclenched)
  • Maintain same eye level (sit or stand depending on student's position)
  • Speak softly and reassuringly